Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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