I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
