Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
