eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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