They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
