My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
