Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
