Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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