I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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