Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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