My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
