if i can run in heels then i can drive
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
