Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
