I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
