i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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