i just had sex bonerless
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize