I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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