nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize