hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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