so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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