we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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