She went from zero to smokin in five shots
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
