I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize