I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
