I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
