He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
