My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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