you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
