Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
