ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
try to milk me bitch
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