just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
