My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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