If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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