you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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