WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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