People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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