I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
