I CAN MOONWALK!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize