So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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