I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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