census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
