I'm pants shitting drunk right now
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
