Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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