Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
