Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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