Will you blow on my dice?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
