He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
