oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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