Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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