Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
