You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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