are you still at the devil's house?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He passed out mid-signature
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
