We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
