I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
