im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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