I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
