y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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