i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
