Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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