I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
