His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
