You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
