I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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