I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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