It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What a dumb baby whore.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
