I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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