i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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