bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
